Choices
by Spikesslayer8
Summary: Set season 6 Smashed re-write goes off canon after that. I always wanted to see things go differently in smashed i think if Spike had done a few things different that night him & Buffy would have had a real chance It's all about choices so here is my t


_Choices – A Smashed re-write._

"**I wasn't planning on hurting you," Spike smirks, "much."**

**"You haven't even come close to hurting me."**

**"Afraid to give me the chance?"**

**Buffy breaks his hold, throws him against a wall. Another big hole in the wall where he hits. Shot of cracks appearing in the wall. Buffy grabs Spike and pushes him up against the wall.**

"**You afraid I'm gonna-"**

**Buffy can't stop herself, she has to have him slamming her lips onto his effectively shutting him up. They kiss passionately. Buffy slams her hand into the wall, creating a hole, to get her arm around Spike's neck. Shot of pieces of the ceiling separating from each other.**

**Buffy and Spike move away from the wall, still kissing. Spike slams Buffy up against another wall. Above them, more cracks start to appear and widen, moving up toward the ceiling.**

**But still the(y) continue to kiss. Buffy shoves Spike away, follows him as he stumbles backward across the room. She pushes him again and continues following. Behind her, a huge piece of ceiling falls onto the spot where they were just standing.**

**Buffy shoves Spike up against another wall, resumes kissing him. He lifts her up against him with her legs around his waist.**

He kissed her passionately, forcefully. She tasted like honey and milk, he could almost devour her but he knew this wasn't real, not for her anyway and when he felt her reach for his zipper he knew he had to put a stop to this.

He loved her and every inch of him wanted to believe that she felt something, anything for him, but he knew he was kidding himself. He knew more than anything that if he did this any hope for them truly being together would be over.

He knew she wanted him, god he could smell it but it wasn't about love, no he knew that, he felt it in her touch this was about need, pure unadulterated need, the need to feel something, anything other than the consuming emptiness that had been surrounding her from the moment her friends forced her back into this world.

He wished she had told them the truth about where she had been, then maybe, she could have worked through this but instead she bottled it up and now it was consuming her. She needed help and all they did was sit on their asses, he wanted to help her but he knew this wouldn't help, no this would just make things worse.

This would burn and consume them both until there was nothing left, ending in pain, regret and violence, he knew he had to stop this and he knew she would be mad but he just hoped that one day she would understand he had done the right thing. Grasping her hand, he stopped her. Putting her down onto her feet, taking an unsteady breath he stepped away.

"What the hell are you doing Spike?" she spat. He could see her hurt and confusion written all over her face.

"I can't do this, luv," he whispered.

"You can't do this? You're rejecting me?" she hissed, clearly going straight from hurt to angry.

"It's not like that, pet. I just know in the morning you'll regret this and I can't be that mistake for you, no matter how much you think you need it" he tried to explain

"You spent over a year making moon eyes at me, begging me to give you a crumb and now I do your turning me away?"

"Buffy if I thought for even a second that this was real I wouldn't have stopped but that's not what this is… Buffy you're spiraling, you need to tell them the truth about where you were."

Her head snapped up at this.

"No, they can never know."

"Always the protector." He sighed, running a shaky hand through his hair. "Buffy, maybe they need to know, you need them to know, maybe then you can truly start to heal from all of this."

"You don't know b**anything/b **about what I need," she hissed, turning away from him.

"I know enough, I know you're feeling empty and hollow, I know that you feel like you left a part of yourself behind the night when you dug your way out of your grave, I know you feel alone and scared and that you want to feel anything but that… you hate yourself because you don't want to hate them but they did this to you Buffy, you should hate them, it's okay to hate them."

She went at him then, fist flying, landing her first hit to his stomach. Blow after blow and he took it, he did nothing to fight back.

"Come on, that's it, put it on me. Put it all on me. That's my girl."

"I am not your girl!" she yells, hitting him in the face so hard he feels his nose crack under the force of the hit. He falls back, but she's not done yet straddling his waist, she continues her assault landing hit after hit to his face as she continues her verbal assault too.

"You don't ... have a soul! There is nothing good or clean in you. You are dead inside! You can't feel anything real! I could never ... be your girl!" She hits him a few more times before stopping, looking in horror at what she has done to him.

"You always hurt ... the one you love, pet." He slurs, watching her stand clearly shocked and disgusted in herself

"Oh my god, what have I done?" she gasps, tears in her eyes.

"Buffy," he whispers, but she can't look at him anymore, she can't stand to see the forgiveness in his eyes after what she has done to him.

Running as fast as her feet can take her, she flees the abandoned building leaving Spike behind.


End file.
